She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
