I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
