i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
