just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
