I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
