dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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