Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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