I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
