the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
did i walk over a car last night?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
