I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
