I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Mom said you looked used
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
