I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
