She's JV to your varsity
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
