Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Plan B is the new Plan A
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
