So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
