so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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