hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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