what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
