so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Randomize
