it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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