hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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