you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
