Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
