Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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