Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
