Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I think I am morally bankrupt
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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