god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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