Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
