i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
