sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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