dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
