Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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