you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Randomize
