he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
my liver is dry heaving
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
