I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
