just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
