If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
