I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
