Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
