sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
