I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
