Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
