Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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