We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
