Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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