We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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