He uses pillows to masturbate.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
