I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I think your dad took our porno
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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