I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
