i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
