in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
